Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

#165: Dear Darling

My dearest darling,

How are you? How was your day and what challenges did you confront, and how did you fare? What are your great hopes for this Christmas season? Have you done your shopping. Do you, like me, strive just to list your Christmas wishes because things no longer fill your imagination like they did when you were a child? Is there snow where you are? Are you lonely? Are you happy now but destined to find parting and sadness before we meet? Are you waiting for me?

You don’t understand how heavily these questions weigh on me tonight. I long, I yearn, I crave the chance to ask you. I long to be so much further along the path to forever in love than I am…to pick up the phone and call you, to sit at a computer and chat, to exchange texts throughout the day, to find times of delighting in the simple joy of being together. I want to share in the communion of souls. Instead, I can express only empty shadows of longing. Instead, I live in endless night, in the fervency of silence. The snow lies frozen and the air is bitterly frigid tonight. The cold of the world I can deal with; in just a few months, the ice will thaw and the sun will warm and spring will come again. But the cold of the night air is to the skin what the loneliness is to the soul. That winter has lasted for years.

Don’t you see? I cannot visualize a person who would want to be with me, who complements me, who longs to be with me as I long to be with her. My heart knows that its match exists, because that is what it was created for. My mind frowns and scorns the idea.

What is it like to touch? I close my eyes now and wonder…wonder what it must feel like, the touch of your finger against my cheek. Your hand on my shoulder, your loving arms encircling my back. How would you feel? How would you react to my caress, my touch, my embrace?

These words may only be a faint echo of the lonely, barren years. I know I can look forward to a day when the dark will be shattered by a thousand brilliant joys. Beyond that, it may be that the relics of a bleak, dry existence won’t be worth reading. Until then, the words on this page are my only means of reaching out to the one I long to share my life with. Please, my dearest bride, hold fast to God and His timing. Pray for me as I pray for you. And store up in your heart the love which we will share.

All my love to wherever you are.

Beren

November 30, 2011 Posted by | Holidays, Loneliness, Nights Like These | Leave a comment

#6: I Promise…To Be My Best

“I have stayed these years in my hovel because of you. I have taught myself languages because of you. I have made my body strong because I thought you might be pleased by a strong body. I have lived my life with only the prayer that some sudden dawn you might glance in my direction. I have not known a moment in years when the sight of you did not send my heart careening against my rib cage. I have not known a night when your visage did not accompany me to sleep. There has not been a morning when you did not flutter behind my waking eyelids.” – William Goldman

Dear Darling,

It’s true I am working to build my mind, my soul that I may feed you and learn from you and with you and for you. I want to captivate your mind and steal the affections of your heart, yes. But I want more. I want to give more. I want to catch your eye and be found strong and handsome. I want to feed my body, build it and make it strong for you. I want your heart to beat hard against your chest when you see me.

Our Lord gave us physical beauty and attraction; though so many times abused among the children of men, it is not sinful.

So I run, the better that I can run to your side, and by it.

I lift weights, the better to strengthen my body, to protect you and be pleasing to your eyes. I want to be a finely-tuned instrument of precision and strength standing tall beside you; a man you will be proud to call yours.

Age and use wear on the body; I cannot promise it will always be this way. But I promise I will always try to be my best. For you.

Love always,

Beren

November 29, 2011 Posted by | Promises | Leave a comment

#5: I Promise…To Honor Your Name

Dear Darling,

What is your name? I once thought it would matter. I know now that it does not matter in the least; so long as I may call you mine.

Will you like my name? One day you’ll share it, you know. Do you think that strange? To give you my name, as a sign that you are my chosen, that you are joining your life with mine. Our directions become one. That you would receive it, in token that you accept me.

How pleasant it is when we hear our name warmly-spoken by a friend. I think your name will always remain beautiful to me; I will never allow it to surrender to mere affectionate words like “dear” and “darling”; your name will embody your very existence to me. It will be sweet on my tongue, as sweet as the memories and feelings that arise merely at its sound.

No one will ever have whispered it to you with as much meaning as I will…and no one will ever cherish and honor it like I will.

I promise.

Love always,

Beren

November 28, 2011 Posted by | Promises | Leave a comment

#4: I promise…I Will Wait For You

Truest virtue abides before a vow is spoken.

I pledge this to you now: I will always wait for you. I will save myself to present you myself whole and complete.

Please. Wait for me.

November 27, 2011 Posted by | Promises | Leave a comment

#3: I promise…Laughter

If you can laugh through anything, you can laugh through everything. I promise I will always try to bring laughter to your heart and rescue your smile if the day’s cares take it away.

November 27, 2011 Posted by | Promises | Leave a comment

#2: I promise…Flowers


Flowers. Not every day, but any day.

November 25, 2011 Posted by | Promises | | 1 Comment

#1: I promise…Love


I promise to love you for as long as God gives me breath to breathe and blood in my veins. Always.

November 25, 2011 Posted by | Promises, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Letters

Dear Darling,

There’s something beautiful about letters, isn’t there. Something warm and fond and real about someone who pauses their life, silences all other distractions and allows thoughts and feelings to flow through the hands and onto the page.

That’s why I first began writing. I wanted you to have a record of my life before we met. I miss you terribly even though I don’t know you; I didn’t want to lose the thoughts and feelings before I could give them to you. And you aren’t here. So here they bleed, onto the pages.

Have you ever had the privilege of reading the love letters of another? To this heart, yet untouched by the hand of romance, it must be the closest thing I’ve yet felt to compare to love. To have a thought reach off the page and find its twin in your soul: “Really? You too? I thought I was the only one!

Maybe writing helps me more than you. A man is scarcely admired for pouring out his soul to the world. I can only assume the men I see today stand tall in public, and melt into their weaknesses and the comfort of their beloved and her caress the moment their door swings shut. Or else, the men of today are stupid and ignorant. My experience favors the latter.

On this day, we celebrate the things we are thankful for. All the curses and shadows that cling to me are of no consequence today, except this; that you are not here. That I don’t know your name; that there is no face to recall, no smile committed to memory, no image of your silhouette, no touch of your hair. No fondness of thought, no fullness of heart, no fiery animation of the soul. I cannot be thankful for you in person, only in memory of the future.

I have everything except you and so I have nothing. I lack a part of my own soul.

The walls of my heart grow stronger and harsher against the evils that assail them. It grows harder to bore into them that I may write these letters. But for you, I do.

I am grateful for all that God has given me…and I pray daily that He has made you for which to be thankful also, even if only in spirit.

Love,

Beren

November 24, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I know. It’s only a placeholder.

I’ve just reserved this blog. I’m not new to writing, but I feel if I’m going to keep writing to my future bride, my words may be of some encouragement to young women in the Lord waiting for her appointed groom to enter her life.

Stay tuned.

November 20, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment