Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

#165: Dear Darling

My dearest darling,

How are you? How was your day and what challenges did you confront, and how did you fare? What are your great hopes for this Christmas season? Have you done your shopping. Do you, like me, strive just to list your Christmas wishes because things no longer fill your imagination like they did when you were a child? Is there snow where you are? Are you lonely? Are you happy now but destined to find parting and sadness before we meet? Are you waiting for me?

You don’t understand how heavily these questions weigh on me tonight. I long, I yearn, I crave the chance to ask you. I long to be so much further along the path to forever in love than I am…to pick up the phone and call you, to sit at a computer and chat, to exchange texts throughout the day, to find times of delighting in the simple joy of being together. I want to share in the communion of souls. Instead, I can express only empty shadows of longing. Instead, I live in endless night, in the fervency of silence. The snow lies frozen and the air is bitterly frigid tonight. The cold of the world I can deal with; in just a few months, the ice will thaw and the sun will warm and spring will come again. But the cold of the night air is to the skin what the loneliness is to the soul. That winter has lasted for years.

Don’t you see? I cannot visualize a person who would want to be with me, who complements me, who longs to be with me as I long to be with her. My heart knows that its match exists, because that is what it was created for. My mind frowns and scorns the idea.

What is it like to touch? I close my eyes now and wonder…wonder what it must feel like, the touch of your finger against my cheek. Your hand on my shoulder, your loving arms encircling my back. How would you feel? How would you react to my caress, my touch, my embrace?

These words may only be a faint echo of the lonely, barren years. I know I can look forward to a day when the dark will be shattered by a thousand brilliant joys. Beyond that, it may be that the relics of a bleak, dry existence won’t be worth reading. Until then, the words on this page are my only means of reaching out to the one I long to share my life with. Please, my dearest bride, hold fast to God and His timing. Pray for me as I pray for you. And store up in your heart the love which we will share.

All my love to wherever you are.

Beren

Advertisements

November 30, 2011 Posted by | Holidays, Loneliness, Nights Like These | Leave a comment