Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

Time: The Combination to Happiness

Time is such a strange thing.

It’s both an enemy and a friend. It can’t be thwarted, cheated or circumvented. The steps of its terrible and inexorable dance take place completely independent of anything humanity can do to master them.

It’s Time that keeps you and I apart.

Yet, the same methodical grinding of the passing years that keep us apart will one day become the blessed cascade of days that find us together…the days we’ll wake up every morning to face.

I can’t wait for the day when I finally realize it’s you; to decide, whether suddenly or gradually, that you’re the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life.

I can’t wait to take your hand, and hope desperately that your eyes will shine as much as mine when I say “It’s me! I’m here! It’s all going to be okay now! You’ve been waiting all this time, and it hasn’t been in vain! I’ve been waiting too, and now I’m here and you’re here and we’re together, and now, maybe, nothing else will be wrong again.” Of course everything will be wrong again…but how could it ever be as bad as when we weren’t facing it together?

Consistently orbiting in my mind are the unanswered questions. Who are you? What are you? Where are you? These questions hound me as I meet those who contain echoes of you. How can I be so sure someone is – or isn’t – you? Something tells me I will know, because there could only be one. But will I find you alone because you don’t fit with the world, just as I don’t? Will your infectious smile and personality make you to be always be among friends? Will you be quiet and reserved, and I’ll have to draw you out? Or will you be contagiously joyful and uplifting?

The more I go through life, the more I realize how much I’m looking for, how much is trivial, and how much isn’t.

What kills and thrills me is that you’re likely just a few numbers away. I could pick up the phone right this instant and dial a few magical and unknown numbers in the right order and talk to you right now. I could e-mail or text or message you tonight, if only I had a few simpering letters or numbers.

But it would be too soon! You and I have a rendezvous appointed by God, and not before. We can’t circumvent Him or Time.

It drives me mad knowing that as I look up to heaven and pray, He looks down on me, and He sees you at the same time. And every time that happens, I ask Him to love you and comfort you and give you peace – to give you everything I can’t right now.

I can’t wait.

But I will.

January 23, 2012 - Posted by | Anticipation

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