Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

#19: To Fight With You

Ever wonder what our first fight will be about?

“What a strange question!” you might respond. No, not really. A strange promise, then? Perhaps. After all, who would give the woman he loves a guarantee of conflict?

But don’t you see? That’s the hallmark of true love. How could I promise anything else? That’s what lovers do. They fight. They argue and squabble. Familiarity breeds romance, love and, yes, contempt.  It’s actually a sign that we care because otherwise, why would either of us waste time?

Oh darling, I hate to think of it now, but we’re probably going to get into all kinds of arguments.

You’re probably going to be one of the very few people that can get underneath my armor and really hurt me. As the years progress, you’ll get to know me better than anyone else. You’re going to learn how to hurt me. You’re going to say mean, horrible things to me in a fight. Or maybe you’ll just freeze me out and give me the silent treatment. You’ll make me feel empty and bare, like my universe is caving in and my world is ending.

The funny thing is, right now I would give anything to trade places with that me. That future me would probably rather gladly accept the trade, but to have someone that I care about so much that it hurts would be an improvement.

And ah! what fun we’ll have making up!

Now, mind you, when I say I promise to fight, I don’t just mean arguing with you. I may even mean that I’ll fight you. Not physically (never!), but maybe the day will come when you don’t accept yourself for who you are. Maybe you don’t feel worth it. Maybe I’ll have to remind you of your value, maybe I’ll have mount the walls you’ve put up, invade the towers, break through your clouds of despair and darkness and pull you out into the sunlight…or bring sunlight to you.

If I have to, I will fight you for yourself.

I can see it now when we have those married fights, or even those couples fights before we’re married (when it hits us that this is how bad it hurts to be without each other), and we finally have that moment where the tension releases, and the tears come down your face and maybe mine as we fall back into each other’s arms and heal the rift, so relieved to find how tiny it is compared to our love.

You know I’ll never leave you. Our love will have to be deeper and stronger than the winds and storms, even the ones we create.

As much as it hurts to think about now, I know you’ll matter so much to me that we’ll eventually fight.

I’m sorry for that. But I know that love can hurt and be volatile if it’s true love. And that’s the kind of true love I’ll always have for you.

I promise.

March 25, 2012 Posted by | Promises | Leave a comment