Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

Who I Need You To Be #3: An Encourager

“My daddy was a wild one when he was younger
Everybody told my mama he’d be hard to tame
Full of himself he said ‘sir’ to nobody
But you ought to see him come running when mama calls his name

Where would we be without the love of a woman?
Standing behind her man even when he’s wrong
The true pure undying love of a woman
Makes a man a fool to think he can make it alone.”
Travis Tritt 

Have you ever walked up a flight of stairs with someone pushing you?

Try it some time. Get behind someone, tell them to lean back as you push them up the stairs. Then have them push you up. You can try it on hills too. It’s a strange feeling. It’s easier even than walking…it’s as if someone stepped in and denied gravity for you; there’s no work to it at all.

That’s what it’s like to validate someone. Their burden is lightened, and a simple but sometimes-daunting task suddenly proved not just doable but perfectly effortless.

Most of us say we don’t care what people think. We insist we’re independent of human opinion and have our own worth outside of the perceptions of others.

We all lie to ourselves that way.

The reality is that a single positive word can lift us completely out of a depression or sorrow, and a single rude comment can completely tear us down. It’s just the way we were built. (That’s why I tremble at the thought of how you’ll be able to hurt me.)

I suppose none of us takes the time to validate or encourage each other like we should. Encouragement is such a magical gift. It’s just words, but you can bless someone’s entire day with them, brighten an entire outlook with them, create a lifelong memory with them! We all need to be validated. And no one can validate a man like a woman.

I’m not going to lie. Sometimes it feels like I do a lot and no one appreciates it. I guess we all feel that way most of the time, but when I step back and look at the amount of effort I put into a lot of things I do and projects I tackle, it’s amazing that people just look past them.

Darling, I hope you’re not like that. I really, really need to be able to count on you for validation. Can you do that for me? Can you be a rock and pillar of support? Can you look at me even years down the road, and say with loving eyes and sincerest devotion how much you appreciate everything I do?

Please, oh please just remember to do that. I’m weak that way. If I feel like what I’m doing isn’t appreciated, I begin to wonder why I do it at all. If I feel like you don’t take what I do for granted, then it will all be worthwhile. Heck, if I get that smile and that thank you, if you can rub my arm, hug my neck, find those ways of expressing your gratitude and rewarding my efforts, I’ll be walking on air.

Believe me, I can get things done. I’m working two jobs, applying for my second degree, balancing my own personal errands, helping my family with all of their needs and practically running a non-profit organization all at once. I’m running at 60% efficiency, maybe 70% on a good day.

As I’ve said before, I thrill to think of how much I could get done if I had someone as lovely as you to motivate me.

March 30, 2012 - Posted by | Who I Need You To Be

1 Comment »

  1. […] should I dare ask you for a love that rivals the movies? To be vulnerable, to watch over me and encourage me, to make me feel again and lift me out of the depths of myself…to save herself for […]

    Pingback by Arrogance: The Audacity of Aspiration « Letters to Luthien | August 20, 2012 | Reply

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