Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

#20: To Make You Brave

Dear Darling,

It’s pouring rain outside right now. The lightning flashes frequently, and thunder is quick on the follow-up.

I’m a sucker for a good storm.

There’s something about the wild power of it all. I’ll stand outside on the front porch in the dark and silently observe the fury of wind, light and sound in their terrible dance together.

Flash forward five years and I have this mental image of you seeking comfort by my side like a child in the midst of a storm, as if I could confront it for you or chase it away. There’s something comforting about facing the same dangers or fears alongside someone who doesn’t fear them. But maybe you’re not scared of storms at all. Maybe it’s too many sappy movies or Jared commercials I’m seeing, and you’re far too grown-up to fear a few claps of thunder and some lightning.

Alright then, what are your fears? What dark thoughts creep into your heart and weaken it with fear — even against reason? Is it simple things like spiders, snakes and mice? Do I get to play the role of your bold and fearless crusader with merely a rolled-up newspaper or fly-swatter to slay your fearsome insects for you? Or are your dragons darker and less tangible?

Do you fear the dark, or heights? Do you fear growing old, being abandoned, or getting sick? Do you fear needles, or are you a bit of a germaphobe? Do you fear death?

I have a rational discomfort with heights, and I’m not entirely fond of needles, but I’ve learned to face some of these fears. They also say the average person fears public speaking more than death. I used to think that because I have spoken many times in public, I was the exception, until I remembered that I don’t fear death at all — you and I serve a risen Savior who conquered death for us. Therefore, I still fear public speaking more!

I suppose my worst fear would be watching the ones I love face pain or death and being unable to save them. Helplessness, I think, is every man’s greatest enemy. We’ll face dragons and demons all day long for those we love. Give us a weapon and we will fight, against impossible odds and certain death. But tell us to sit in silent torment and watch helplessly, ah! that is a something else.

What I’m trying to tell you is, there’s not a great many fears I have. There is room for yours.

Nothing is more fulfilling than facing someone else’s fears with them and for them. And so, I want you to know that I promise to make you brave. I want you to introduce me to your fears, each and every one of them. I want to meet them, and level my gaze at them, staring them down with a steely cold glare, and let you watch their gleeful laughter die choking in their throats. I want them to know that you’re not alone, that the Lord has given you a protector: “You mess with her, you mess with me.” I want them to know that it is no longer a small matter to come against She Who is Protected.

I want to be the warrior that stands by your side and renews your courage to face your dragons. I want to be your knight in shining armor, your valiant protector. I want you to take strength from me, to know that I’m behind you and when necessary, in front of you.

These aren’t just empty and idle words from the lonely pen of a stranger. I have studied with weapons and trained in combat. I am ready.

I can’t fight them all you know. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us. God has ordained that struggles make us stronger, and it is not mine to deprive you of those struggles. That would only make you weaker. And maybe the day will come when you must face a struggle such as cancer which I cannot fight for you. How many hospital waiting rooms have served as the temple of prayer for the man pleading God to give him the sickness or disease or pain instead of his wife?  In God’s good plan, He doesn’t. How many men have watched the love of their life depart from the body, with absolutely nothing in their power to resist?

Maybe this is our path. Maybe you and I will spend many blissful years together until you will find the quicker path to heaven, leaving me to pine away as I am now. Who can foresee such ends?

I know only this: I will never abandon you. I will grow old with you. And when I cannot stand in front of you to shield you from the world, I will stand beside you, holding your hand, whispering courage into your ear and your heart and reminding you of who you are. I will give you strength, to the very end of my own.

I promise.

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May 5, 2012 - Posted by | Nights Like These, Promises

2 Comments »

  1. […] reminds me anew how much I long to make you brave, take away your tears, give you strength and comfort you. I hope only that you can return the […]

    Pingback by Tired « Letters to Luthien | May 14, 2012 | Reply

  2. […] serve you. I’ll protect you. In some ways, although man is head of the family, I will be yours to […]

    Pingback by #22: Chivalry « Letters to Luthien | September 22, 2012 | Reply


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