Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

#22: We’re Going To Make It

“Didn’t they always say we were the lucky ones?
I guess that we were once, babe, we were once
But luck will leave you ’cause it is a faithless friend
And in the end when life has got you down
You’ve got someone here you can wrap your arms around

So hold on to me tight, hold on to me tonight
We are stronger here together than we could ever be alone
So hold on to me, don’t you ever let me go.”

– Michael Buble, “Hold On

Dear Darling,

Do you remember in the Disney cartoon movie Dumbo, when the big-eared pachyderm tot is snuck in to see his imprisoned mother? I think everyone teared up when she snuggled him in close, and he clung wordlessly to her trunk because he’d missed her and needed her so badly.

It may not be the manliest of expressions, Darling, but sometimes that’s how I feel. Like I’m just down to my last straw, like I just need you to call when I get off work, or to pull you close when you need the same. It’s not some “lost mother” sentiment either, I get along fine with mine. I just get that image in my head sometimes when I think about how I need you.

Some days it’s nice to have a job I can completely bury myself in, to stay busy and thinking and on my feet and juggling different tasks so that I don’t have time to think about me…or you. But nevertheless, I still have these thoughts about you all throughout the day. Last night, for example, I thought “If only I knew who she was, I would take her some chocolate. Right now.”

But I didn’t. And I don’t. So I simply drove home.

I hope things aren’t as hard for you right now as they are for me. Everything else in life is slowly starting to line up, except that which the world and my own heart deem most important. It’s hard not to feel left out, even as I excel in so many other avenues of life.

But we already know times are going to be hard, don’t we? It’s hard to believe in that finish line, and it’s hard to run the race alone.

We’re going to make it. I promise you my dearest love, my darling future bride, we’re going to make it. You and me, with the Lord’s help. We’re going to grit our teeth, buckle down, suck it up, shake it off, and fight through it. I wish I could see you now, wish I could know if you’re as spent as I am, maybe kneeling by the roadside to catch your breath, wondering if you’ll make it. I wish I could walk up to you, lift your chin, cup your face in my hands, put my forehead to yours and give you strength. I wish you could hear my imploring cheers, that you could see me running by your side and shouting, begging, ordering you not to give up. And I don’t just mean on Waiting, Darling. I mean everything. I mean life. I mean love. I mean being a servant, I mean staying cheerful and happy.

I want to do this for you, because Christ told us to do unto others as we’d have done to us. I think we’ve all received at least one or two words of encouragement in our lives, and can remember a time when we were so tremendously downtrodden that those simple words put us right back on our feet.

I’m good with words, Darling. It’s a gift God has given me. I used them to help buy that car I told you about. I can use them to uplift people, and though I try to restrain myself, I have used them to berate them as well. Balm or blow, I weave them well. It’s a gift, and a curse. I want to use them to wound those who hurt me. I try, perhaps not successfully, to restrain them.

My point in all this is, I look forward to using those words to build you up. To take you into my arms and remind you how much you mean to me and how much you are worth.

We’re going to make it, Darling. We’re going to make it to each other. We’re going to make it to our wedding. We’re going to make it back from our honeymoon. We’re going to make it through sleepless nights with crying infants and sick children, we’re going to make it through school years and hectic holidays.

Through the rain and drought, snow and sun, good times and bad, famine and harvest. we are going to make it. You and me, together.

I promise.

Love always,

-Beren

August 5, 2012 - Posted by | Promises

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