Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

21 Things You Should Know About Me

1. Christ will always come first. Always. You will be my second love, Darling, and our lives, our decisions and our choices will always be governed by my King and His Word.

2. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.

3. No one term describes me. I can be introverted or extroverted. I can be fastidious about punctuality…or I can not worry about it. Sometimes I’m concerned with the details of a plan (“yes, but HOW?”) and sometimes I’m more about the general principle. Sometimes it’s easy to identify and explain that principle, and sometimes the ultimate cause behind something escapes me. Sometimes the thought of doing absolutely nothing repulses me, and sometimes that’s all I want to do. Most of the time I’m a stickler about the rules and not going rogue or being a rebel, and sometimes I recognize the difference between guidelines and laws or forgiveness and permission. Sometimes I can be incessantly philosophical, and sometimes brutally practical. Certain things are completely non-negotiable in my life, and many others are completely flexible. Sometimes I’m a decisive leader, and other times I feel neither the confidence nor the motivation to take the reins. I can be critical and judgmental voice, but also offer the most encouragement you’ve heard in a while. Sometimes I make up my mind quickly, and other times I spend time sifting through the options. Most of the time, I bury feelings and rely on reason and intellect, but those feelings will find a way out later on. Sometimes I’ll plan, sometimes I’ll trust myself to improvise. (It usually works out either way.) Sometimes I’d like to be out with a crowd of people, and sometimes I’d like to just be alone. Sometimes I’d like to go find adventure, and sometimes I just want to doze on the front porch swing. I’m a mix.

4. I’ve always felt older.

5. I feel left behind and left out by the world…and that this is necessary, because I cannot join with them in their choices.

6. I’m a renaissance man who likes trying his hand at several different things, like piano, photography, literature, guns, horses, foreign language, travel, throwing knives, business, law, economics, fitness, medicine and art.

7. Most people assume I’m not a fun guy. I am, it just takes a while to get to know that side of things.

8. I can be a workaholic sometimes. Sometimes.

9. I like things clean and orderly, and sometimes I enjoy the process of cleaning things up.

10. I’m never quite sure I’ll be good enough, but somehow I’ve fooled the people who are (or pretend to be) that I am too.

11. I’m a night owl. I get brainstorms at night, and I’ll be up until 2 or 3 in the morning writing.

12. By the time it comes down to a discussion with someone else, I’ve probably already thought about almost all the angles. In an argument, I will either concede defeat or beat you back with eviscerating logic.

13. I don’t like to watch much TV. But sometimes, a show or two at nights helps me unwind.

14. I’m freakishly tall. Some people also tell me I’m handsome. One girl admired my straight teeth.

15. I care too much. I’ve chosen to avoid darkness as much as possible. That means darkness presses in on me that much more, like the tons of pressure that exist in the depths of the sea. Sin bothers me a lot and sometimes I become depressed about the things people do. I have high standards for myself and, in keeping them, assume that everyone else should be able to as well, because who would have thought an insignificant nobody like me could outpace so many?

16. I get contemplative and wistful, sad and pensive, thoughtful and philosophical pretty often.

17. I have thick skin, unless it’s a close friend. Give me enough time and I can overlook or move on from an argument or an offense. Sometimes this is a problem if someone else is still mad.

18. I’m a writer. I don’t know when that happened.

19. I can be kind of vengeful sometimes. If you don’t have time for me, and you keep not having time for me, odds are I’ll wind up not having time for you. I periodically go through my Facebook friends and if I decide you haven’t demonstrated any initiative for keeping in touch, and if I don’t know you that well and don’t care to, I will remove you. A friend of mine (one with the closest kinship in principle and morality) recently got married and didn’t invite me. I was later told it was an oversight, but he has not apologized nor been in contact. I removed him from my friends. If you don’t have time to remember me, I shouldn’t have time to remember you. If I keep texting you to ask how you’re doing and you don’t reply, or if I invite you to a group activity and you ignore me or don’t come, sooner or later I’ll assume you don’t want anything to do with me, and will respond accordingly.

20. I’m pretty sure I’m going to run for public office one day. Or something important with leadership. I have a hunch older enemies and pretty much all of my extended family that didn’t want anything to do with me will show up to see me. The thought of turning them away gives me more pleasure than it should.

21. I want people to know me and ask about me. I like to talk about myself as much as the next guy, but I try not to volunteer much about myself initially. First, because it often comes across as bragging since (aside from crushing loneliness and feeling neglected and abandoned by the world and my peers) I live a pretty great life. Second, I’m not going to offer a tremendous amount of detail about myself to someone who doesn’t care. You have to prove to me that you care. I’m always on the lookout for that caring person. When I offer a few vague, brief details about how I’m doing and then turn the conversation back to you, it’s by design. It’s a test. If you do the same and then ask specific and detailed questions because you’re interested, I will feel free to share more with you.

August 16, 2012 - Posted by | About Me

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