Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

The Lonely Questions

“Hard to be sure…sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure, remains the cure

All by myself
Don’t wanna be
All by myself
Anymore…”

Celine Dion

Dear Darling,

Where do you go when you’re lonely?

Who do you call at 2am when your day didn’t go how you wanted, and you’re just frustrated and sad and want to talk? When you reach the end of yourself, who’s there waiting for you? Who do you turn to, who is your lifeline? Do you ever wonder if you’re the only one who doesn’t have that? Or perhaps if you’re just the only one who can put up with not having that?

What do you do with feelings you can’t act on? Isn’t that what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

Did you ever stop to realize you are getting too old ever to experience “young love”?

How do you deal with people who are interested in you without hurting their feelings?

Did you ever want to make people go away who aren’t the real thing? Friends who are somewhere in between being the right person for you, but not quite there? Don’t you ever get impatient and feel like telling them “if you can’t be the real thing, then go away and stop being halfway.” Doesn’t it just feel cruel to be with someone who is half the person you’re looking for?

Do you write letters to me? Did you ever want to show someone your letters just to show them who they’re missing out on when they reject you, or show them to someone because you know they’ll have a new respect and interest in you?

Did you ever get fed up with friends who always said “we should definitely hang out sometime!” but then always be busy? Did you ever decide you’d start ignoring those friends just to teach them a lesson, and it backfired because they ignored you back?

Do you ever feel that life would be forever changed for the better if you could just fall in love?

Do you ever get the feeling that if you could find someone as unselfish as you, you could have one of the most unique and amazing marriages in history?

Did you ever think about when you find a relationship, how you’ll do everything all wrong? How you’ll call too soon and appear overeager? How instead of making sure somebody knows your priorities haven’t changed just because they’re in your life, you’ll actually be reshuffling almost everything around them? That maybe you’ll be so happy to find someone who cares that you’ll unburden yourself too soon, or that you’ll be “clingy” because for the longest time you’ve missed having someone like that in your life?

Did you ever welcome the cold weather back like a friend, because it’s the only friend who understands how your heart feels?

Did you ever let the sky do your crying for you?

Did you ever feel like if someone would just make you their everything, if they just set their mind to winning you over, you could be so much better at everything in life?

Do you ever think about me and miss me? Ever long to take me in your arms and kiss me?

You may assume by now that your future husband is answering most of these questions in the affirmative.

Love,
Beren

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October 6, 2012 - Posted by | Loneliness

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