Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

How Will I Ever Find You?

Dear Darling,

It was raining again tonight. It’s been raining off and on for two days now. I should be studying, but I worked and went to a frivolous little gathering tonight.

I got home, changed, and showered. I should have gone to bed, I should go to bed now. But instead, I went for a walk. Yes, in the rain. It should be snow, but we’ve no such blessing for our winter thus far.

I asked the Lord if He might walk and talk with me for a while. I asked Him how I should ever find you. Almost any of the girls I meet anymore are too small or too crazy.

Pardon me dear, but most of your gender is crazy.

Oh I know, mine isn’t much better. Most of us are pigs, going around playing at love to get sex, exploiting the women who play at sex to get love. But at least we’re not that complicated or difficult to figure out. We’re pretty predictable.

Your gender is beyond complex. You don’t behave rationally. Even Einstein couldn’t figure you out.

Of course I am thinking of specifics. I’m thinking of D, and R, and M, and J and E and A. I’m thinking even of relatives who behave without a shred of rationality, flying off the handle, or shutting down communication for no reason.

I don’t trust women, but more importantly I don’t trust me. They bring out all the uncertainty and angst in me. I’ve yet to meet one that truly brings out my best side…someone I can unleash all these wiles and smiles upon…someone worthy of my letters.

I hang on to them too long. I start to wonder if it was really as bad as I thought. I rationalize. I want to give too soon, open up too soon, learn everything too soon. I’m starting to be wary of my own judgment about them.

To put it simply…women are a weakness. That is why I place that weakness under lock and key, where it cannot be exploited.

Some girls are nice and polite, and obviously a bit interested. But they’re small. They don’t drive, or don’t vote or aren’t interested in nearly the same things I am. They don’t aspire to be anything. They’re the type that lets life grab them by the horns.

Sadly, most Christian women fit this mold, or at least a lot of the ones I meet. The ones that are outgoing and enthusiastic about life, who make something of themselves, who live life and chase dreams — the kind of woman I seek! — are the ones who also let down virtue along with their hair.

Every so often, I find someone who is a little small-minded but maybe interesting enough to compensate, and then I find no chemistry or spark of attraction. I’m frustrated with myself and my emotions because it’d be so easy if they’d just settle and attach already so I can be happy, but I know I can’t settle for anyone less than you.

It’s a good thing we serve a mighty God, because He’s the only one that could put the two of us together.

Love ever,
Beren

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December 9, 2012 - Posted by | Sundry Thoughts

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