Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

The Longest Night

Dear Darling,

It’s the longest night of the year. It’s unseasonably warm, and they just stopped sounding the tornado alarms. (As if I fear such a death.) It’s only rain now…rain and candlelight.

Tonight, it is once again the best of times and worst of times. I have finally conquered the hurdles that have been clouding my horizon since May. My mind is finally free, to think again, and to dream. I can read books again, rest without guilt, work some overtime, and even, Darling, I even sat down at the piano tonight. What a burden to be free of!

On the other hand, bizarre tumult within my family has led to some curious and temporary estrangements that have put my relationships in a slight tailspin. That and other factors shadow the edge of my success, and coworkers rather than family celebrated it with me.

It is the lonely fate of man to sail the seas of heartache, and nowhere is it written that anyone should be exempt.

I feel bad for the students who now stand where I stood, but I was grateful to witness at least one of them on the verge of melting down, that I could intervene to buy her hot chocolate and talk her through her fears. It seems I’m often appointed to be the person for someone else that wasn’t there for me when I needed the same thing. That is partly why we suffer, isn’t it…the better to help others.

I’m going to feel lost again with “only” work to occupy my time. I want to read more, but I’m often torn between reading books which better myself (history, philosophy, educational), and books that I enjoy reading for their own value.

And of course, need I say it? I miss you. You know I do. Such fun we could have on these nights…surrendering to winter’s enchantments. The snow, the skating, the movies, the decorating, the parties and gatherings…the dancing! Your Beren went dancing the other night my dear. I never much thought it would be for me until I found you, but then, I’d always wanted the chance to learn within the confines of obscurity.

I wish you were here to celebrate with me, to congratulate me and invite me over.

Whether in storms or gentle rain, stay strong and keep your head up, my dear. It won’t be long.

Love,
Beren

December 22, 2013 - Posted by | Loneliness, Uncategorized | , , ,

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