Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

Finally

Dear Darling,

Hunger is the best seasoning. Too rare are the moments when both the word “finally!” and its significance can be breathed together. Life is a struggle, and things seldom go just the way we want. More often than we admit, that’s best for us.

Yet there do come moments whose sweetness is almost beyond savoring, moments where the burden of cares and of life itself is lightened, sometimes forever.

It may be the job we’ve always wanted, introducing us to achievement, respect and a new income bracket.

It may mean the luxury of new living arrangements, easing the constriction of a troubled mind.

It may be finally conquering a lifelong worry, finally understanding that we’re greater than the sum of our fears.

It may be succeeding where we thought we would fail — or the sigh of relief when the speech is done, the song is sung or the concerto played.

It may be triumphing over an exam or a class, when after anxious seconds the score is known and the knots of your gut finally loosen.

It may be a truth finally learned, a mystery solved under whose darkness you’ve labored for years.

It may be the slow and gradual awakening to the fact that we are capable and strong, the envy not of our peers but of our former selves; to realize you’ve become the self you aspired to be.

And then, it may be the peace and joy of finally, finally finding that long-sought special someone for whom we’ve pined.

None of these things solve life’s problems. They simply ease them. They don’t cure the affliction…but they do manage the symptoms. After all, it isn’t until you escape the surly bonds of earth that you recognize what a burden it is being a slave to gravity. Accustomed as we are to earth’s weight and pull, the lifelong struggle merely to stand erect, we don’t know what such relief is like until it happens. And then it does. And all the rest of life pales by comparison.

The irritations of life are diminished and its joys enhanced. Life’s problems loom less, its pleasures more. The world itself seems changed. Food is better, touch is kinder, patience keener, sun brighter. Sheet are softer, sleep is sweeter — and we are none the worse for waking. We wring meaning from life instead of life wringing meaning from us.

Perhaps this sentiment won’t feel as it seems, or else how could couples restrain themselves within the joy they’ve found?

I’m at the stage of life where most of these are still just a promise to strive toward. Which can be difficult since my peer group tends toward people who are already unwrapping those moments for themselves.

My dear, in this earthly life, marriage should be the single greatest and most important thing. School and work should be secondary; they will always be there with their opportunities, the bills will always come, the sick will always need of treatment. And maybe I do wrong by having to prioritize those things to keep the lights on and to keep progressing on the track towards which I can be your provider.

Age, though it asks only a day at a time of our lives, will continue grinding away at our hopes and our destinations. God knows what He’s doing…but we have our own “finally!” to find. Several of them, in fact. The ones we first say silently to ourselves as each learns more about the other. The finally of a relationship in which we both feel secure. The finally at the altar, or the honeymoon suite. The finally of a first house and a firstborn child, and all the other finally’s I wrote above. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to get them started. One can be driven mad with the changing promises of those moments and their arrival. All we can do is keep pressing on. So Darling, I’ll see you there, and until then, I will see you in my prayers and dreams.

Love ever,
Beren

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February 16, 2014 - Posted by | Anticipation, Loneliness, Nights Like These | , , , , , ,

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