Letters to Luthien

Letters to My Future Bride

In Anticipation of…Meeting

“So I’ll be waiting for the real thing
I’ll know it by the feeling
The moment when we’re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I’ll be holdin’ my own breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I’ll spend forever with.”

– Nickleback, “Gotta Be Somebody”

Dear Darling,

God promises us that he can do more than we can ask or imagine. Way more. That should excite me since, in my opinion, I have a good imagination. Is it possible you could be better than I imagine? You’ve read of my discouragement and despondency over the trends of society. You know that when I seek for “perfect” I don’t truly mean perfection. But sometimes it seems impossible to imagine that I could ever find someone who fits that definition of perfect for me.

I have a confession to make: I have a persistent, entrenched desire for everything in my life to make a good story.

I want you and I to have a good story, right down to our first meeting. I want a story we can tell to our grandchildren: “Let me tell you about the time I met your grandmother. I still remember every detail…”

There have been times I’ve met someone that I began thinking about (innocent thoughts, you understand, the way of your man as he’s just beginning to wondering if such a girl could be you) and thought “Yeah, but the way we met was absolutely rubbish.”

Alternatively, there have been one or two meetings where I found myself just the right combination of witty and funny and polite, and thinking “Aw yeah, that’d be one for the family history book.”

It’s a silly way of looking at life, I know. Odds are we won’t be in some romantic setting, and neither of us will be on our game.

But oh, what if? What if it’s awesome?

I like the idea of chance meetings, for example. A person I’d always seen but never met or thought about. A friend I’ve known for ages and completely overlooked until one day a bolt of lightning hits me and I suddenly get butterflies in my stomach as I ask her out. Or just someone I bump into, strike up a casual conversation, and suddenly my soul rises to attention because I’m hearing what this girl is saying and finding out we have so much in common. Maybe we have a fender bender. Maybe we both respond to an emergency, and then in the aftermath we exchange contact information and laugh about it.

I’m not shy. I’ll chat you up. I’ll ask questions. They may seem casual, but maybe you’ll see through the fact that I’m surgically probing your mind to see who you are. If I like what I hear, I’ll ask for an e-mail, a Facebook, a phone number. I’ll find a way to stay in touch. I’m not bad with impromptu like that, although, I have to know something about you before asking you out. That’s how the world does it, isn’t it? “Hey, you’re cute, let’s go have dinner and find out if we have anything in common.” Dates have always been a bigger deal to me than that. I need to know something about you first before I’ll sit you down in a chair and (let’s just be honest) interview you.

You know some say I’m arrogant, but I also  have a confidence fed by a mildly steady stream of comments, compliments and girls who like what they see and hope I’ll like them. As a result of all that, I don’t harbor too many fears that you won’t like the man I’ve made myself to be…because I’ve been trying to make myself into the someone I thought you’d want to find. (To be honest, I hope you’ll be better than that, and that you’ll be someone I still have to work to impress, charm and win over.)

Maybe it won’t be anything that significant. Maybe it won’t be the makings of a good story. Maybe we’ll be fraught with miscommunication and misunderstandings. Maybe I’ll make a supreme idiot of myself and only through talking with you will you find out I’m not. Maybe you’ll be too afraid I’m like the other guys and shut down too soon. Maybe we’ll both be bumbling klutzes out of fear we’re going to botch something.

But is it possible that when we meet — dare we hope? — the sparks will fly immediately? What if, just what if, we meet and go out and things just go swimmingly? What if it will be so drama-free and peaceful, what if things clip along so smoothly and free of pain or drama that we’ll both be perplexed that we ever put up with anything less? What if we start shining together like two prisms aligned, and we just sit there dumbfounded — “Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow” — basking in this light neither one of us knew existed? Maybe we’ll have that feeling that it’s hard to believe we ever weren’t acquainted, like the people who say they’ve just met, but they feel like they’ve known each other a long time.

Maybe we’ll come away from that first meeting with a warm heart, a lightened soul, a smile or grin we just can’t erase. (Imagine the thought of an irresistible happiness?) If you’re anything like me, you might be grinning like an idiot, like a boy (“I think she likes me!”) and only daring to hope maybe there’s something there worth pursuing. Then that first date, and we’re both just blurting out things about ourselves and gleeful to hear the other say “Really? Me too!!” We’ll find pleasure just looking at each other, being with each other.

That’s going to be the fun part, Darling. It will be like a bank account that slowly increases, a smile slowly spreading across the face, a growing warmth in a cold room. That gradual hunch that turns into a thought, which turns into a hope that turns into a happiness which becomes surety and confidence — the swelling finality of our stories, merging into the joy and delight which I know we so desperately crave.

The glow of a beautiful sunrise increases, spreading its rays across the horizon, turning black to gold, turning night to day. Oh Darling, I sigh tonight as I imagine the happiness of our love unfolding. I can see it all from here, can’t you?

I don’t know, but I think we’ll have to make sure we each take it slow. Don’t ask me how, because it will be like waiting for heaven. “All we could ask or imagine,” remember? If we are engineered for each other and no one else, and we’re so enamored with each other, with the person who seems so impossibly perfect for us, better than we imagined, perfectly complementing us. It ain’t going to be easy.

But I have faith.

Ah Darling, how much I anticipate our meeting, and the ones to follow as we grow deeper together in our fellowship and love.

I love you. I always have, and I always will.

Yours,
-Beren

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August 7, 2012 Posted by | Anticipation, Our Timeline | | 1 Comment